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Article
Letters from Esther #65: Is love worth it?

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Article
Letters from Esther #64: Searching for Connection in a Disconnected Era

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Article
Letters from Esther #63: New Year, New Possibilities

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

5 MINS
Article
Letters from Esther #62: How do you connect to others?

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Article
Letters from Esther #61: The Art of Erotic Communication

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

6 Min
Article
Letters from Esther #60: Reconnect to Your Erotic Self

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Course
Turning Conflict Into Connection

Uncover why you keep having the same fights over and over again. Learn how to break free from habitual patterns and responses. Find peace and reconciliation even when you disagree.

Course
Bringing Desire Back

Uncover what blocks desire. Learn how to tap back into pleasure and get unstuck. Discover a new sense of hope and possibility.

Perfect for date night
Course
Playing with Desire

Uncover and learn how to speak about your desires. Bring more aliveness into your sex life. Create rich, erotic rituals. Cultivate a more vibrant and fulfilling erotic relationship.

Podcast
You are Vocal on the Criticism But Silent on the Compliments

She feels abandoned by him, he feels choked by her, and their marriage is at a tipping point. They are a couple so focused on their kids that they have lost their connection and their sense of self. Despite creating a life story where family is the center of everything, they feel completely alone. Can Esther help them write a new story?

1 HR 5 MIN
Podcast
Esther Perel Invites Us to Imagine Our Preferred Future

We all know the difference between being alive and feeling alive. The state of the world has many of us struggling with threat and uncertainty, both of which immediately constrict our imagination and our ability to face the unknown with curiosity and discovery. Join Esther Perel for a live conversation on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at South By Southwest with futurist Amy Webb and innovation expert Frederik Pferdt as they discuss how the big changes of today will shape our relationships of tomorrow.

56 MIN 56 SEC
Podcast
Leaving the Shame Behind

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? A young couple has endured a series of crises early in their marriage, from a benign brain tumor to a serious car crash to the husband’s near-fatal heart attack. Following his recovery, he’s adapting to new physical limitations, while she says the children bear the brunt of his frustrations. Esther coaches them through an honest conversation on anger, parenthood and the power of apology.

54 MINS 24 SECS
Podcast
Esther Calling - No Longer Daddy's Little Girl

Esther speaks to a woman who has been estranged from her father for almost two years for reasons she can’t quite figure out. Despite multiple attempts on her end to reconcile, she is now trying to grieve the loss of her still very much-alive father. Esther helps her unravel questions about starting her own family amidst this painful cutoff.

50 MINS 9 SECS
Podcast
Esther Calling - I Can Break up with Him But I'm Still Stuck With Myself

Esther talks with a woman who is contemplating ending her five-year long-distance relationship. She reflects on avoidant behavior, stemming from a fear of intimacy and rejection, and the complex dynamics of her family background. Esther helps her confront these deeply rooted fears, encouraging her to vocalize her needs and to realize that not everything negative is about her. The conversation opens up pathways for the woman to seek closeness and be seen, ultimately aiming to break free from a life defined by fear and distance.

40 MINS 40 SECS
Podcast
I Want to Feel Wanted

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? After ten years, a husband tells his wife he no longer wishes to be married. A month later, stuck in limbo, they come to Esther. She helps them have an honest conversation about their expectations, desires, and the ways in which their role as parents has left little room for intimacy.

52 MINS
Podcast
When the Turn On Becomes a Turn Off

Sexual preferences demand a lot of trust, intimacy, and vulnerability in relationships. This week, Esther talks with a couple who are refreshingly open and honest about their fantasies. But after 15 years of marriage, his fetish is no longer her pleasure. Esther helps them uncover the underlying emotional needs driving their fantasies and encourages them to seek a broader and more emotionally connected sexual repertoire.

1 HR 2 MINS
Podcast
Esther Calling - I'm Keeping the Baby...Now What?

They had a whirlwind romance, and he spun a tale of their future to come—marriage, kids, a life together. He's in his mid-forties, and she is in her late thirties, and so after only three months together, she is pregnant, and they have broken up. Now, Esther meets her the month after their breakup and tries to help her illuminate a path forward.

46 MINS
Podcast
Is This Worth a Second Chance?

Should we have tried harder to make this work? What if you're the one who got away? These are the questions that keep us up at night. This week, Esther helps a couple who were together for eight years and broke up a year ago. They've recently reconnected and wonder if they should give it another try. If they do, can they avoid falling into their old dynamics and truly learn to listen to each other? 

1 HR 4 MINS
Podcast
Esther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible? Part Two

For the first time in an Esther Calling, Esther speaks to the partner of the caller from last week to hear his perspective on the story. Then, she does a session with the two of them as they detail how they feel stuck in their sexual pattern, where he always initiates, but when he initiates, she freezes. They try to figure out where they can go from here.

57 MINS
Podcast
Esther Calling - Are We Just Not Sexually Compatible?

This week, a caller wonders if she’s sexually compatible with her partner or if they’ve just become too adherent to their sexual patterns. Esther helps her untangle the traumatic pieces from her past before her current relationship that are informing the anxiety she feels when her partner initiates sex. This episode contains references to a sexual assault. Please take care listening.

47 MINS
Podcast
Esther Calling - Did I Get Ghosted or Is He Just Not That Into Me?

A young woman notices a pattern in her life of frequently being ghosted. And the last time this happened, it really stung. Not only did she lose a lover but she lost an important friend. Did this friend with benefits ghost her or did she miss something?

48 MIN
Podcast
Esther Calling - I Don't Want to Turn Into My Mother

After becoming a mother for the first time, a young woman reflects on the complicated relationship with her own mother. Esther guides her through establishing boundaries with grace, breaking generational cycles, and the importance of self-acceptance. 

57 MIN 25 SEC
Podcast
I Don’t Want to Be Your Caregiver, I Want to Be Your Wife

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin, but might still be new to many of you. Almost two years ago her husband was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's Disease. They have three kids, a mortgage to pay, and he has developed some compulsive behaviors he isn't proud of. Esther helps them learn how to turn off the "caregiver," and remember they are much more than that to each other.

54 MIN 30 SEC
Podcast
Esther Calling - Grief is Like a Fingerprint

This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. One year ago, her sister and father died in quick succession. Her father passed from dementia while her sister was killed from a death by suicide. Her remaining family was torn apart and she feels left to pick up the pieces on her own. Esther walks her through how to make space for the immeasurable grief.

51 MIN 26 SEC
Podcast
Say More - Esther Perel on Fantasy with Gillian Anderson

Award-winning actress, Gillian Anderson, joins Esther to discuss Want, her collection of women's anonymous fantasies from around the world.

1 HR
Podcast
How Many Times Can I Forgive You?

A year after explosive revelations of cheating and the existence of a 14-year-old son her partner never told her about, a woman receives a call about a fresh round of betrayal. She is humiliated and in crisis, while her partner’s ability to compartmentalize has rendered him a ghost in his own life. They love each other and parent two boys but may not be able to find a shared reality in which to move forward.

1 Hr 3 Mins podcast
Podcast
Finding Love Would Mean Letting Go of Who I Am

He's been searching for someone for so long that he questions if he's actually looking for a unicorn. He wants someone who holds the same religious values as he does. As is often the case with Esther, the conversation that unfolds breaks down what's really underneath his seemingly high demands. This episode contains references to sexual abuse—please take care while listening.

56 min podcast
Podcast
Questions You Aren't Allowed to Ask

This is a classic session of Where Should We Begin? but might still be new to many of you. What began as an eight-year affair between two women has stretched into a 19-year partnership. But despite their private commitment to one another, they’ve never quite managed to move beyond the shame of their origin story. Esther takes a novel approach to revealing a long-held secret.

53 min podcast
Podcast
Esther Calling - You Are So Not Invited to My Wedding

Imagine meeting the love of your life at work. And a few months in, you want to keep the guy but ditch the job. Which is fine—until your fiancé wants to invite your evil ex-boss to the wedding. In this Esther Calling, a young woman seeks advice from Esther on how to handle the conflict arising with her fiancé and his decision to invite her former abusive boss to their wedding.

49 min podcast
Podcast
Love the Child, Not the Father

Theirs is an accelerated love story. They moved in, decided to have a baby, and are now struggling to weather the hardships of parenting together. She feels unsupported and like she's the only adult in the room. He is overwhelmed and constantly feels put down by her. They have split up emotionally but not yet physically. Esther helps them sort through the power, gender, and trust issues that so often arise with new parents to see if it's enough to help them find their way back.

1 Hr 3 Min Podcast
Podcast
Best Friends Don't Make For the Best Bosses

They have been best friends for years. He opened a bookstore and she was his first employee. Things were great until they weren’t. She left to preserve the friendship—but a year later they still haven’t talked about what went wrong with them professionally. Esther talks to her about how to start a different kind of business relationship if they were willing to give this another go.

55 Min Podcast
Podcast
How's Work?: You're Inching Me Out

This is a classic session, from the first season of How's Work? They were mates in university before co-founding a successful communications company. They still work together from different coasts, but they barely speak. One wants to move on; the other is grasping for his former friend. Neither can find the words to talk about it.

57 Min Podcast
Podcast
Say More - Miranda July and Esther Perel on The Rebirth of Desire

This week, Esther is in a borrowed bedroom in Los Angeles, the perfect place to talk about desire and the novel on every bedside table, All Fours. The writer, director, and artist, Miranda July, joins Esther to examine the erotic and to explore how love and desire relate and how they conflict in modern relationships. They discuss the tension between the domestic and erotic through the lens of Esther's new desire courses, which Miranda had a sneak peek at.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Why Can't I Find Someone? Is it Me?

Esther speaks to a woman who feels frustrated and stuck in her dating patterns. She loves going on dates, regularly meets people out and about, and feels open to having multiple forms of a relationship. And still . . . she gets to one or two or three dates before the relationship fizzles out. Esther gives her a new way to think about it and reframes her frustrations.

Podcast
We Had Boundaries and He Crossed Them

They were in a consensual, non-monogamous relationship and happily growing their family. But he broke the first rule of their relationship, and it resulted in a major crisis—an unplanned pregnancy involving another woman. They are committed to each other, but this unforeseen transformation of their family has many unexpected consequences that involve their entire world—family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. Will their relationship be able to survive all of these upheavals?

Podcast
The Arc of Love - Happily Divorced

They're amicably divorced divorce lawyers, carving out a new kind of relationship after the end of their marriage. Esther reframes their situation and proposes a radical solution. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - All The Things We Never Said

Often when a relationship ends, we’re left with regrets, questions, and conversations we wish we could have had. Esther helps a woman process the things she left unsaid, including the sexual grief and loss she feels after her husband unexpectedly died. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - A Romantic Revival

This episode contains discussions of a death by suicide. Please take care listening. The suicide of his first wife left four traumatized children in its wake; she's spent six years putting the pieces back together. They're both ready to experience joy in their marriage, but can't quite figure out how. Esther coaches them through the difference between survival vs. revival, and how to live after loss. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - The Other Woman

Ten years and two kids later, a wife comes to Esther looking for answers: Does she want to explore her attraction to women because she's bisexual, or because she no longer wants to be married to her husband? What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - The Poly Dinner Party

Join Esther for a dinner table conversation on the topic of polyamory. The dinner was held to mark the anniversary of a panel discussion Esther was part of on the same topic ten years earlier. Together the original panel and a few new friends explore what has changed in the last decade as consentual non-monogamy has become more mainstream, why some advocate for their choices, and what consequences and challenges they still face as well. This is not a session but a fly on the wall conversation. Some of the guests chose to be anonymous, while others allowed us to use their names. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - A Small Town Affair

It began as a passionate affair and ended two marriages. Now, they're struggling as they try to build trust. Esther encourages them to be brutally honest—with themselves. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - Young Love

They met in college; he's a U.S. citizen and she's trapped in a cross-border limbo. Their young love complicated by immigration status and politics, Esther helps them appreciate each other's sacrifices as they contemplate marriage. What you are about to hear is a series Esther calls The Arc of Love. Each session centers around a couple’s story. Whether it’s issues of trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, repair and rupture, polyamory or monogamy. The episodes can be listened to in any order you want but were curated with a beginning, middle, and end.

Podcast
The Arc of Love - I Don't Think I Want Kids? But My Partner Might?

The Arc of Love is my gift to you as your summer beach listen of 2024. A curated collection of stories about trust and betrayal, care and aggression, closeness and distance, attraction and disgust, rupture and repair. As the stories mirror and amplify our own experiences, they help us grapple with the parts of ourselves that hold the same emotions, conflicts, and forbidden truths. Inevitably, one of these episodes will resonate with you, even if it’s not your story. I invite you to listen and tell me which one speaks to you. A man has never thought of himself as a father but the partner he's devoted to is now unsure if she wants kids or not. With additional unknowns in his life, Esther helps guide him through his different questions about what the future holds.

Podcast
Impotent Is No Way To Define a Man

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A husband hasn’t had an erection in 12 years and struggles with acknowledging it openly. His wife, in despair over her feelings of hopelessness in the bedroom, seeks relief for her sexual frustration and feelings of resentment. Esther reinforces to both of them that defining him as “impotent” is only making things worse.

Podcast
You Keep Planning A Future Without Me

They met as community organizers in their neighborhood. She had just gotten out of a multi-year marriage to her ex-wife and began to forge new friendships. After about a year, something shifted for her and she began to develop feelings for him, sending her seemingly solid identity into a tailspin. After 15 years of identifying as a lesbian, she was in her first straight relationship. Now, he is beginning to question what he wants out of life and their relationship and can’t seem to grow out of his youth-formed habits of yearning for greener pastures. They find themselves at an erotic stalemate and come to Esther for help.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Four Affairs, Four Divorces. Why Do I Keep Doing This?

Four affairs and four divorces later, she is searching for answers as to why she can’t stop leaving in such an abrupt way. Despite longing for a life partner, she questions her ability to maintain a healthy and stable relationship. Esther seeks to uncover the root of these issues and help her forge a new path forward as she embarks on what she hopes is her final relationship. 

Podcast
Trauma Doesn't Like to Be Touched

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A newly married couple comes to Esther for guidance on how to create a space of safety and physical intimacy while also giving voice to past trauma. One partner is working to overcome an aversion to physical touch due to abuse from his past while the other is learning to ask for more without triggering painful memories for his husband. From this starting point, Esther guides them through a discussion on memory, family relationships, and infidelity and helps them work out a blueprint for loving and satisfying touch.

Podcast
Esther Calling - What If I Break Up With My Dad?

Esther takes a question from a young woman struggling with her relationship with her father. A recent divorce and the slow reveal of an affair on the part of her father has ruptured the family—and leaves her questioning whether or not her father should continue to have a role in her life.

Podcast
Esther Calling - It Feels Like My Siblings Abandoned Me

In this Esther Calling, Esther speaks to a young woman grappling with the burden of caring for her ailing parents and the feelings of resentment she feels towards her older siblings. But the true cause of this family conflict goes much deeper than who is showing up and who is not.

Podcast
Does Growing Up Mean Growing Apart?

They grew up together and now run a production company. They are contending with the growing pains of transitioning from best friends to coworkers and the challenges of running, essentially, a family business. Esther helps them find the complementarity in their roles and see their story as growing and developing even in the face of challenges.

Podcast
Esther Calling - My Mom Should Have Set a Different Example

Esther speaks to a woman who is experiencing a kind of a double story. She resents her mother for the choices she made and the example she set, while also wondering if she keeps choosing the safe person as a way to combat those childhood feelings of abandonment. Esther helps her untangle these complicated feelings.

Podcast
There's You, There's Me, There's US

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin. A middle-aged couple, together for seventeen years, best friends and partners who, despite their loving and positive relationship, go months without connecting sexually. He transitioned 10 years ago, and they’re both experiencing the physical changes of ageing. Esther guides them through body exercises, in an effort to help them find sexual spaces amidst the crush of everyday life.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Love is a Trap

He gets to a certain point in relationships before he begins to start fantasizing about his ex boyfriends or other future partners. Esther talks him through what he might be holding onto from his childhood that makes his otherwise healthy relationships feel stifling.

Podcast
Couples Therapy Is the Best Theater in Town

“Welcome to my office” is often the first phrase Esther says to people, no matter how much “the office” has changed—it can take the shape of a park bench, a 2,000-seat theater, or on this podcast. This week, Esther talks to her close collaborator Mary Alice Miller about the importance of play, what makes stories so essential to us all, and why she's choosing to embark on her first ever live U.S. tour. 

Podcast
Trevor Noah Aftershow - Bonus Q & A

Listen in to what didn't make the podcast this week in a very special post recording with Esther and Trevor Noah. Esther and Trevor had a candid chat about the state of comedy in the world we live in on the Vox Media Podcast Stage at SXSW in Austin. And afterwards, Esther and Trevor agreed to stick around for a few extra questions from the crowd. Esther takes qustions in a very original way—listen and see if she answers a question you might have.

Podcast
Internal Family Systems with Dick Schwartz

We all have multiple parts inside ourselves and that's actually a good thing because we need these parts and all their resources and qualities. But these parts carry burdens. Internal Family Systems creates inner and outer connectedness by helping people access their Self and come to understand and heal their parts. This episode is part of a longer conversation that Esther and founder of Internal Family Systems, Dr. Dick Schwartz had on her membership platform Sessions with Esther Perel, where Esther hosts conversations with colleagues in and around the mental health space.

Podcast
I Think I Married the Wrong Person

She gets angry when she feels devalued and put down. He intellectualizes and rationalizes instead of sympathizing. Esther helps them to see each other and work towards dissolving the patterns they developed to protect themselves.

Podcast
Esther Calling - My Exes Exes Keep Ruining My Relationships

A woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with his ex girlfriend ends a perfectly good relationship because she can't trust how close her current partner is with his own ex. She wonders if two people can meet each other's needs without having to sacrifice a part of themselves and if she can ever move past her fears and let love into her life. 

Podcast
Esther Calling - My Husband, His Other Wife, and Me

They were aid workers who met abroad, fell in love, and came to the States to get married. After two years, her partner returned to his home country to fulfill his familial duty and marry his brother's widow. Esther talks her through what comes next.

Podcast
Sex, Comedy and Context: A Live Conversation with Trevor Noah

Not all conversations with Esther have to happen behind closed doors. Last week, Esther sat down with Trevor Noah, live at SXSW in Austin, for a candid look at the state of comedy in the world we live in. The two of them uncovered some surprising similarities between being a comic and being a therapist. Esther showed Trevor a few ways to become a better listener and Trevor in return helped Esther prep for her new live tour. 

Podcast
I Can't Give You a Child

This is a classic session, from the first season of Where Should We Begin? A woman realizes she doesn’t want to have children and comes to Esther for help expressing this to her husband, who passionately wishes to be a father. Not wanting to deny her husband this opportunity, she comes up with a solution, but Esther encourages them to talk more honestly about what led to this crossroad.

Podcast
If He's A "High Value Man," What Am I?

Esther talks to a woman who, despite her best efforts, finds herself implicated in the same toxic cycle of abuse from her partner that she grew up watching between her parents. Rationally, she knows she deserves better, but just can't seem to get out from under this painful repetition of events. Esther talks her through why she thinks she finds herself back here time and time again.

Podcast
Behind the Scenes - Prepping for a Pivotal Pairing

In this Behind the Scenes, you'll hear Esther getting prepped by her producer Jesse for an upcoming conversation with a famous couple in the podcast universe. Be sure to tune in next week to hear if Esther was on track in her assessment of their relationship and why it works so beautifully.

Podcast
Talk to Touch: The Primer of Somatic Sexology with Jaiya

Somatic sexologist and author, Jaiya, joins Esther to discuss the five erotic blueprint types as well as the secret to magnetic attraction. This episode is part of a longer conversation that Esther and Jaiya had on her membership platform Sessions with Esther Perel, where Esther hosts conversations with colleagues in and around the mental health space. 

Podcast
Pleasure is Personal, Professional, and Political with Afrosexology

What is Erotic Power? Dalychia Saah and Rafaella Smith-Fiallo, cofounders of Afrosexology, discuss the oppression, shame, and alienation of societal control and the importance of finding our Erotic Voice as a vessel for liberation. This episode is part of a longer conversation that Esther, Dalychia and Rafaella had on her professional training platform Sessions with Esther Perel, where Esther hosts conversations with colleagues in and around the mental health space. 

Podcast
I Love You One Day, I Hate You The Next

They are a young couple with a small child and they fight non-stop. And while they each have good intentions, they struggle to hear or see each other. What initially made them fall in love with each other, they now experience as a threat. Can they learn to fight but still stay connected to each other?

Podcast
I Trust You to Always Tell Me When I'm Wrong

Too often we can focus on troubles in our relationships and not what happens when the relationship goes right. This week, Esther explores the inner workings of a pivotal pair with podcast royalty Kara Swisher and Scott Galloway. The hosts of Pivot join Esther to delve into what makes them great to listen to and how being open to surprise and difference invites them each to be better people.

Podcast
Esther Calling - I Lost Him, But I Lost Myself Too

She lost her husband five years ago. Now, she's finally ready to start picking up the pieces of her life to begin dating. Esther talks her through what it might mean to reframe her memories of their relationship. This conversation contains discussions of depression and a death by suicide. Please take care listening. 

Podcast
He Wants it Everyday, She Wants it Never

They find themselves at an erotic stalemate. Married for 20 years with four children, they have lost their way with each other. He wants it all the time, and she seems to want it never. Esther encourages them to create sexual invitations rather than nightly demands.

Podcast
As They Like Me More, I Like Myself Less

They are new mothers after a long wait and they are both struggling in their roles at the same international organization. One can't seem to get out from under her father's shadow to maintain an agreeable relationship with her male bosses, and the other is just returning to work after staying at home to take care of their child--a role that she never quite wanted.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part Two

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. This is the second part of a special two part conversation. Certain conversations stay with Esther long after the caller has hung up. And in this case, Esther wanted to follow up and go further with the young woman with the voice inside her head telling her to cheat on her partner. But this evil voice is not her own. It is that of her assailant in a form of trauma reenactment.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Part of Me Wants to Cheat Part One

This episode contains discussions of a sexual trauma. Please take care listening. A woman in a healthy and loving relationship talks to Esther about the fantasies she has of cheating on her partner. Together they delve into whether these are truly adulterous thoughts or if this voice in her head is connected to the unresolved shame and trauma from an earlier sexual assault.

Podcast
Now That I Have A Girlfriend, I Never Want To Leave My Wife

For years she has been the breadwinner while he has felt like a failure at home raising their daughter. After he found a new career and subsequently, a new lease on life, this couple has been erotically invigorated unlike anything previously in their marriage. She has been freed from caretaking, while he has found another person who is special to him. They come to Esther's office to see if their two (now three) is sustainable. 

Podcast
Esther Calling - Am I Just Your Placeholder?

Esther speaks to a woman who seems to get to a certain place within a relationship and then they end it. In her words, she seems to keep finding herself in the friend zone. In her latest relationship she felt he took advantage of her stability and support without sharing the same feelings. Leaving her believing that she was just his placeholder until something better came along.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Will He Make The Space For Me

Her new boyfriend’s wife died four years ago. Reminders of her are all over his house, from her clothes in the closet to her photos on the wall. It makes the caller feel uncomfortable and inadequate. She wonders if there’s room in his house — or his heart — for her.

Podcast
Esther Calling - It's a Matter of Pride

In another episode of Esther Calling, he worries his desire for a serious relationship is putting women off. But early in their phone call, it becomes clear to Esther that he’s talking about a particular woman from his past. He describes his feelings for that woman as “intense”, whereas she was more ambivalent. Esther and the caller explore the question: when is yearning for someone’s unreciprocated feelings more about pride and getting what you want than it is about that other person?

Podcast
I Can Be Strong And Be Taken Care Of

As Esther says, love is at once an affirmation and a transcendence of who we are. But when one partner grows up as the child taking care of his mother is it any surprise that he experiences the romantic needs of his partner as a repeat of that same responsibility rather than an affirmation of love.

Podcast
I Don't Mean To Be Mean But...

She has no boundaries, he’s walled off. And their opposing communication styles cause immediate tension in this explosive session. So much so, that Esther finds herself adding to the chorus of angry voices. There might only be three people in this session, but Esther realizes she needs at least more chairs for the in-laws whose voices and opinions are always playing in the background of this marriage.

Podcast
An Intimate Evening with Esther Perel

You are invited to an intimate evening with Esther Perel. In place of this week's session we gather for a few rounds of Where Should We Begin, A Game of Stories. Over the last year to curtail the loneliness and isolation we all felt, Esther and team created a game out of the questions you often hear her ask on the podcast. So please come play a few rounds with her anonymously, of course.

Podcast
Before We Got Together I Identified As Gay

Before they got together, he identified as straight and they identified as gay. What does it mean to make space for their queer identity while they date a straight man? And is that possible as they move into a more serious phase of their relationship?

Podcast
Where Are They Now - Romantic Revival

For the first time on the podcast, Esther invites a couple back to her office for a second session. 10 years ago, his first wife took her own life. A year later he met his current wife and she became an overnight stepmother to four children. Three years after they first spoke to Esther, she asks them what has changed? Have they been able to revive and sustain their love despite all of the obstacles?

Podcast
Friendship - My Reliable Gift

In a Where Should We Begin first, Esther sits down with two friends. They’ve been close for so long they feel like brothers, with all of the baggage that comes with family but none of the certainty. There are things that go unspoken between them, issues they have skimmed over in their two decades of friendship. Esther creates the space for the conversation they didn't know quite where to begin. This session was recorded in collaboration with NPR's Invisibilia and a sibling episode with Esther can be heard on their podcast this week as well.

Podcast
Esther Calling - Losing My Best Friend

In this second episode of Esther Calling, we meet a woman who feels she is losing her best friend. The caller feels that her friend is rushing into a marriage to someone she doesn’t approve of. During the call Esther talks her through a new way to see their relationship and where to go from here.

Podcast
Esther Calling - My Partner's Privilege

As a way of being able to connect with more of you, I am trying a couple of new things. Esther Calling is one of them. You write to me with a relationship concern and I call you to talk through it. These are not full sessions but conversations that I hope lead to many more after we hang up. This time there is no couch, but instead an unexpected phone call from Esther to a woman who is struggling with the differences between her and her partner's upbringing. He grew up in a comfortable suburb, she grew up having less, much less. She loves her boyfriend but wants to get past the resentment she feels towards the opportunities he’s had. Esther helps her think through how these differences might also play into new strengths between them.

Podcast
Where Should We Begin Season 5 Trailer

Listen to the incomparable therapist Esther Perel counsel real couples as they reveal the most intimate, personal, and complicated details of the conflicts that have brought them to her door. This season Esther speaks to a constellation of new relationships: A couple wrestling with the guilt they feel over the happiness their infidelity created. Another trying to make space for their queerness in an outwardly appearing hetero relationship. A set of friends trying to sort out if their childhood friendship needs to continue into adulthood. And Esther checks back in with couples from seasons past to see where they are now as she creates a space for us to hear our own lives and struggles articulated in the stories of others. So....where should we begin? Seasons 5 episodes begin November 4, 2021.

Podcast
I've Had 100 Conversations with You in My Head

After a discovery in her doctor's office, a woman realizes her husband has been unfaithful. While betrayed and angry, she still feels a desire to stick it out for the sake of the kids. He, meanwhile, is desperate to find a way back to her. Esther takes them back to their upbringings and the years before the infidelities to find a place of mutual compassion.

Podcast
Speak to Me in French

A husband and wife met while deeply committed to the evangelical faith and didn’t kiss until their wedding day; for her, that kiss felt like “kissing her brother.” Esther gets creative in an effort to help them create a new sexual relationship.

Podcast
Separated at Home but Still Together at Work

Husband and wife who are co-owners of a winery and restaurant. He loves the colleague that she is at work, but he likes less the wife she is at home. As their marriage ends, they wonder if the future of their business depends on the future of their marriage.

Podcast
The Boss, the Client, and the Hairdresser

They’ve been hairdressers for many years in a job that feels like a cross between salesperson and therapist. They vie for new clients and commissions while absorbing the anxieties, frustrations, and burdens of their regulars. How they each handle this balance is a study in contrasts.

Podcast
Stuck in a Job, for Years

She’s been unhappy at her job for more than 20 years and doesn't know how to leave. Her sister, a successful entrepreneur, wants to help, but this only makes her feel less-than. Family tensions and resentments, both at home and at the office, keep her frozen in place. Esther walks the sisters through an exit plan.

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From Bartender to Business Partner

She owns a successful restaurant. He was her bar manager for six years. Now they’re going into business together as co-owners of a taqueria. They turn to Esther for guidance on how to transition from employer-employee to partners in a new venture. But they walk away with a deeper understanding of the ways their different cultural backgrounds and previous working relationships influence their partnership.

Podcast
You're Inching Me out

They were mates in university before co-founding a successful communications company. They still work together from different coasts, but they barely speak. One wants to move on; the other is grasping for his former friend. Neither can find the words to talk about it.

Podcast
Laid Off and Starting Over

A year ago they were suddenly let go from their jobs as leaders of a creative team. Now they're starting a new company together. But to build over the scar tissue and begin again, they must first let go of the painful ending that came before.

Podcast
Not Many Men Work With Their Moms

She started a real estate company 30 years ago. Her son, who calls himself a Mama’s Boy, recently joined the business. They think their close mother-son relationship hurts the brand. With Esther’s help, they start to explore the many gender and familial biases at play...both in the office and around the family dinner table.

Podcast
Sex Work: The Unofficial Resume

Friends and fellow dancers at a strip club: one brings years of experience, the other a youthful energy that turns angry at times. They’re here to talk about boundaries that are crossed, educating “civilians" about their work, family acceptance, and how they'll transition from the sex work industry into professional careers. Can sex work be a bullet point on a resume?

Podcast
The Break-Up

They flew fighter jets together in Iraq and Afghanistan. Then they co-founded a successful business. Now, for the first time in their adult lives, they’re ready to part ways professionally, but they don’t know what their lives would look like without their "brother of choice." Side-by-side on Esther's couch, they talk about letting go of the fierce loyalty bonds forged in the cockpit.

Podcast
Couples Under Lockdown Episode 4: Lagos, Nigeria

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In the fourth and final episode, she speaks with a couple in Lagos, Nigeria. Last summer they left everything they'd built in Seattle for a dream opportunity to expand his company and be closer to home. As the threat of COVID-19 reaches Nigeria the couple must decide if they leave and walk away from everything or risk staying.

Podcast
Couples Under Lockdown Episode 3: New York, New York

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in New York City. Two weeks before COVID-19 forced New Yorkers to shelter in place, they filed for divorce. Now they feel trapped.

Podcast
Couples Under Lockdown Episode 2: Bavaria, Germany

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in Bavaria, Germany. While others might complain about the close quarters, this couple hopes to find themselves in each other again.

Podcast
Couples Under Lockdown Episode 1: Sicily, Italy

In this special series of Where Should We Begin, Esther connects with couples under lockdown around the world. In this episode, she speaks with a couple in Sicily, Italy. They left each other emotionally years ago, but with three kids they have been trying to keep it together.

Podcast
On Again/Off Again

They've been on and off for almost 20 years. While she takes care of his and their child, she wants to know that he's also there for her. He's been battling depression for years. And the shame that comes with it.

Podcast
Trapped in Their Own Story

Their whole relationship is based on one big misunderstanding, with infidelity and blame on both sides. Years later, they still can't see the other's perspective. Programming note: This conversation was recorded after the COVID-19 lockdown.

Podcast
Burdens of the Family

They share a legacy of war, a refugee upbringing, and family trauma. Their marriage was sen as taboo, and now they're trying to build a happier relationship for their child. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Podcast
He Loves Her, His Family Rejects Her

She left her life, her family and her country for a man she met on Reddit. Their love is real, but his family has been hell.

Podcast
When I'm Manic I Cheat

Bipolar, infidelity, open relationships: they're stuck in a world of loaded words. Her friends are convinced she should leave, but she doesn't want to follow in her mother's footsteps. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Podcast
It's Very Hard to Live with a Saint

Barely a year into marriage, they're trapped in a cycle of explosive conflict. She can do no right, and he can do no wrong. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 pandemic.

Podcast
In This Relationship What Is "I" and What is "We"?

They grew up with traumatic backgrounds, met in college and immigrated to the U.S. together. They've built stability and security, and now one of them longs for more freedom. Programming note: This conversation was recorded before the COVID-19 lockdown.

Podcast
The Chronic Philanderer

He's been stepping out on the marriage for years. She had enough. And finally wants to know is he in or out?

Podcast
What Would It Take For You to Come Out?

Four years in, she can't admit she's attracted to her girlfriend, and her family still doesn't know.

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Where Should We Begin

Join Esther in her office every Monday to listen in as real couples in search of help bare the raw, intimate, and profound details of their stories.
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