Letters from Esther #62: How do you connect to others?

My card game, Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories, is perfect for connecting with others. Click here to order today and get it in time for the holidays.

Shall We Begin?

CONNECTION IS CHANGING

The world has changed in ways that continue to challenge how we connect with each other. For years, many of us have adapted to virtual spaces, finding surprising intimacy through screens but also feeling the weight of something lost.

Recently, I gathered in-person with my mostly remote team, many of whom live far from each other and in different geopolitical regions. Sharing meals, leaning into conversations, and feeling the rhythm of unspoken gestures reminded me that being together is not just about proximity. It’s about the richness of what happens when we are seen, heard, and held in three dimensions.

When we sit around a table or across from each other on couches, there is a level of engagement and vulnerability that I don’t see on video calls—the unexpected pauses, the quiet moments when colleagues step away for “introvert time,” or the messy intimacy of eating take-out side by side.

BRIDGING THE GAP

What made this gathering especially poignant was the timing. It happened just days after the U.S. election results—a moment heavy with reminders of our divisions and the fragile work of navigating them. As a team, we help people cultivate relational intelligence. It is never lost on us that it is the strength of our relationships with each other that helps us show up for our broader community, most of whom we also only interact with virtually.

We spent two days in close proximity—sometimes together, sometimes in smaller groups—collaborating, bridging our differences, and addressing tensions, even conflicts. Throughout, I was struck by the kindness in the group’s interactions. I was reminded that convenings like this can accomplish what’s on the agenda while also centralizing the importance of care and respect.

Discover how to treat yourself and others with care and respect—even when you disagree—inside Turning Conflict Into Connection. Click here to learn more.

SEEING AND BEING SEEN

There is something tender about noticing what doesn’t surface on a screen: someone taking a call from their child, another lingering behind to clean up coffee cups, or the quiet humor of shared exhaustion.

Right now, when so many are wrestling with disconnection—politically, relationally, or within themselves—coming together feels like both a necessity and a privilege. But it can also be overwhelming. Whether it’s a work holiday party, volunteering alongside strangers, or seeing family with whom you disagree about almost everything, I encourage you to seek moments of in-person connection where you can even if it feels hard.

Of course, in-person connection isn’t always possible or even preferable. But when you do come together with others, remember to see them in their broader context, with more curiosity than reactivity, with more questions than assumptions. It’s in this alchemy that we rediscover what is still alive, vibrant, and possible.

Let's Turn the Lens on You

Whether you’re in-person or remote for this year’s winter holidays, the following exercises can help you find new ways to connect to others.

EXERCISE 1: COMPARE MUSICAL TASTES

The similarities and differences in our tastes are much easier to bear when it comes to music as opposed to politics or economics. Try asking questions like: “What was your first concert?” and “What song gets you on your feet?” Or, take turns playing your favorite songs.

EXERCISE 2: EXPLORE DANCE

Dancing gets us out of our heads and into our bodies. If dancing feels too vulnerable, start by asking these questions instead: “What was your first slow dance?” and “What was the setting and the time in your life?”

EXERCISE 3: EXPAND YOUR PALETTE

Food is a great connector. Try asking these questions around the dinner table: “What was your favorite holiday food growing up?” and “What’s a memorable dinner that still makes your mouth water?”

HOW DO YOU CONNECT TO OTHERS?

Notice which of these exercises makes you feel most connected. What interesting conversations or experiences did they lead to? These are ones worth exploring even more.

If none of them resonate, try coming up with your own—maybe books instead of music, arts and crafts instead of dance, or scents instead of food. Whatever topic sparks curiosity and connection.

Discover 200 prompts for playful connection inside Where Should We Begin? A Game of Stories. Shop now.

Conversation Starters

A compendium of highly recommended sources of inspiration and information

TO READ:

• Tribal by Michael Morris is a powerful exploration of humanity’s deep need for belonging and how the erosion of traditional communities has left us vulnerable to polarization and division. Through vivid storytelling and rigorous analysis, Morris offers both a critique of our fractured world and a hopeful roadmap for rebuilding trust, connection, and shared purpose in modern society.
• ‍The Invisible Lion by Benjamin Fry is a deeply personal and insightful book about how our nervous system’s response to trauma influences our health, happiness, and relationships. Drawing from his own journey through childhood trauma, breakdown, and recovery, Fry—psychotherapist and founder of Khiron Clinics, a residential trauma clinic—introduces a powerful analogy to help readers understand and tame the complex nature of trauma, offering transformative tools for healing and resilience.

TO TRY:

• The new Happier meditation app (formerly Ten Percent Happier) is a breath of fresh air in the crowded mindfulness space. It’s not about chasing perfection, but about creating space to just show up as yourself. Happier brings together teachers with decades of experience who are down-to-earth and authentic to help you practice staying present and deepening your most important relationships. You can try a free trial here.