Articles

Letters from Esther #65: Is love worth it?

Letters from Esther #64: Searching for Connection in a Disconnected Era

Letters from Esther #63: New Year, New Possibilities

Monthly Newsletter

Letters from Esther

Exclusive personal reflections from Esther on relevant relationship topics.

Important takeaways to help you develop your relational intelligence.

A curated list of related resources to further explore. 

Letters from Esther #13: Are Taboos Holding Your Relationship Back?

My monthly newsletter and free workshop are meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme is: Are Taboos Holding Your Relationship Back?

Why Do Sexual Taboos Make Up Our Sexual Fantasies?

Is your sexual fantasy normal? In short, yes. Our sexual fantasies, and the taboos they contain, are symbolic maps of our deepest needs and wishes. Accessing that vulnerability can turn our sex lives from a ledger into something so much greater, but getting there is a taboo in and of itself. It means talking about it. Read more about sexual fantasies and how they're more normal than you may think.

Letters from Esther #12: How Your Relationships Will Change

My monthly newsletter and free workshop series is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme is: How Your Relationships Will Change.

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? You’re not alone.

Loneliness isn’t new, but it’s also no longer just about being socially isolated. Over the last decade, we’ve experienced a new type of loneliness—the loss of connection, trust, and capital while we are next to the person with whom we’re not supposed to be lonely. Read more about feeling alone in a relationship, how it's intensified in the midst of crisis, and what you can do to reconnect.

Letters from Esther #11 - Change is in the Details

Letters from Esther is my monthly newsletter and livestream to inspire reflection and action in areas that are important for your relational intelligence. This month's theme is: Change is in the Details.

A Look Inside Couples Therapy: How a Podcast Turned into a Global Mental Health Resource

Hearing others’ experiences can help us with our own. Read more about how Where Should Begin? came to be and what you can gain from listening to the stories and struggles of other couples.

Opportunity from Tragedy: Realign, Reprioritize, and Rebuild Emotional Connections

The New Normal is here and it requires a new mindset—a curiosity about what we want for ourselves, with our partners and families, with our dates and friends, and with our work lives. Read more about how you can begin to rethink your emotional connections in this new landscape.

Letters From Esther #10 - The Joy of Complaining

My monthly newsletter to stay in touch and inspire reflection and action in areas that are important for your relational intelligence. This month's theme is: The Joy of Complaining.

Letters from Esther #57: “What if I break up with my dad?”

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters from Esther #56: “I miss you and I’m happy you’re gone.”

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters From Esther #55: Welcome to my office. No, really.

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters from Esther #54: Curiosity is a balm for loneliness.

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters from Esther #53: Novelty Is A Powerful Aphrodisiac. Here’s How To Have More.

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters from Esther #52: A Good Question Changes the Story

My monthly newsletter is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships.

Letters from Esther #51: Reading & Writing in a Time of War

Taking in snippets of current events through headlines, Tweets, and memes has a corrosive effect on the mind. The inundation of clipped information without context is overwhelming. The avalanche of epithets leaves you emotionally spinning. You think you’re in the loop; you know what’s going on; you’re up-to-date. But you begin to realize: you’re not actually processing the information. And that information—particularly the kind that is shocking and soul-crushing—doesn’t leave your system as quickly as it entered.

Letters from Esther #50: Could it really be that easy to resolve conflict?

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme is "Conflict."

Feeling Alone in a Relationship? You’re not alone.

Loneliness isn’t new, but it’s also no longer just about being socially isolated. Over the last decade, we’ve experienced a new type of loneliness—the loss of connection, trust, and capital while we are next to the person with whom we’re not supposed to be lonely. Read more about feeling alone in a relationship, how it's intensified in the midst of crisis, and what you can do to reconnect.

Infidelity: Why I Wrote a Book About America's Most Controversial Topic

I knew that writing my new book The State of Affairs would be met with strong reactions on all sides. So why step into the fire?

How to Fix the Fights You're Sick of Having

Esther writes about the fights that are all too common in our relationships.

Looking for the Perfect Fit? Pros & Cons of Relationship Checklists

Are your relationship checklists doing you more harm than good? Read more on how to make your relational pros and cons list work for you and when to loosen the grip.

4 Practices for Hopefulness in the New Year

Where does hope come from—and how do we practice it?‍ Read more on four practices for hopefulness in the new year, and beyond.

How to Write Wedding Vows That Set Your Marriage Up For Success

Vows that set a marriage up for success trade promises to do it all for intentions to do our best—especially in the hard times. Anyone who’s been married can tell you that, for all of the joy and love, there’s just as many fights and betrayals. The question is: how will we repair and grow stronger each time? Vows are an opportunity to address this very question. And, when done well, vows can be a compass to return to every time we lose our way. Read more on how to trade promises for intentions and a beautiful writing exercise for wedding vow drafts or as an ongoing activity do to throughout your marriage.

Our Comfort with Intimacy Has A Lot to do with These 7 Verbs

Love is an active verb. It’s imbued with intention and meaning and contains an implicit call to action. In the language of intimacy, basic fluency comes down to just seven verbs. The experiences that revolve around these shape our beliefs about ourselves and our expectations of others. Read more on the seven verbs of intimacy and how they help us to understand not just how we learned to love and be loved—but how we want to now.

The Other 3 Little Words: I Love You, But—What Are We?

Saying “I love you” has long been the ultimate marker of seriousness in the early months of romantic relationships. In the last few decades, however, the rise of the “situationship” has elongated the dating phase, elevating a different set of “three little words” to the pantheon of important relational dialogue. Read more on why discussing “What are we?” is an important part of creating a shared reality with healthy boundaries and expectations in a relationship.

You can also browse articles, Letters from Esther, and Podcast Episodes in our “Focus On” sections, where we group resources based on important relational topics.

Communication and Connection

Security vs. Freedom

Intimate Relationships