Blog | Relationship Resources for Couples & Individuals

The Value of Letter Writing

Letter writing allows for a deeply private space for reflection and, if appropriate for sending, potential communication. The trick is knowing the difference between what we should keep for only ourselves and what should be sent—and being able to manage what we open up in ourselves and in others if and when we decide to reach out. Read more on why letters are important to me and how to write your own.

Letters from Esther #7: The Art of Conversation

Letters from Esther is my monthly newsletter to stay in touch and inspire reflection and action in areas that are important for our relational intelligence. This month's theme is: The Art of Communication

Unsent Love Letters - Healing After Betrayal

In this Unsent Love Letter, the author writes to her partner of a year who’s been living a parallel life. We discuss the themes self-blame after a betrayal and the importance of social connection during a time of healing. Read more to hear what the letter holds.

Unsent Love Letters - Young and In Love

In this Unsent Love Letter, the author writes to her high school sweetheart who called her out of the blue eight years later. We discuss the themes of paths not chosen and how reflections on past intimacies can be positive. Read more to hear what the letter holds.

Unsent Love Letters - Love Across the Decades

In this Unsent Love Letter, a woman writes about a relationship that was unlikely to succeed, but after three decades it is still strong. We discuss the nuances of love across the decades and how breaking routine can bring energy back to a relationship. Read more to hear what the letter holds.

Unsent Love Letters - Fantasy and Unrequited Love

In this Unsent Love Letter, a woman writes about a future she'll never have with a man she'll never be with. We discuss the themes of fantasy and unrequited love and the ritual of closure. Read more to hear what the letter holds.

Unsent Love Letters - An Introduction

Welcome! Unsent Love Letters is a six-part series of real unsent love letters from people who wrote to a loved one, but in the end kept their words to themselves. Each article includes the original letter, a playful video discussion, and an exercise for those who resonate. Read more to get started.

Unsent Love Letters - Lingering Loss

In this Unsent Love Letter, the author writes to a former long-term partner who she hasn't seen for eight years. We discuss the themes of lingering loss and celebrating what once was. Read more to hear what the letter holds.

Letters From Esther #45: The Question that Comes Up in All New Adult Friendships

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme focuses on the question that comes up in all new adult friendships.

Letters from Esther #44: What does repair look like in relationships?

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme sheds light on repairing after bickering or conflict in your relationship.

Letters from Esther #43: “Would you rather be right or be married?”

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's theme offers a look inside my office as I help a couple navigate a common couple argument.

Letters From Esther #42: My Worst Valentine’s Day

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's focus is on using the month of love as a step in nurturing your relationship.

Letters From Esther #41: A Practical New Year’s Resolution? Find Balance.

Looking for a more practical new year’s resolution? Find a balance between structures that ground and motivate us and guilt-free spontaneity which allows us to take risks, explore, and yes, occasionally overindulge in life’s pleasures. Read more on the importance of balancing structure and spontaneity in the new year.

Letters From Esther #40: Contemplating Hope

Letters From Esther #39: Thanksgiving & Belonging

Letters From Esther #38: How I Learned to do What I do

My monthly newsletter and workshop is meant to inspire you to reflect, act, and develop greater confidence and relational intelligence in all of your relationships. This month's topic is centered on a commonly asked question: How did I learn to do what I do?

Intimacy and Your 5 Senses: How to Invite Eroticism into Your Relationship When You’re Feeling Depleted

Eroticism is fundamental to maintaining intimacy when couples are facing challenges, whether they are coming from inside of the relationship or from external stress in our lives. Read more about how to use the power of your senses to practice eroticism and increase intimacy when you’re feeling depleted.

In Long-Term Relationships, When Do You Find Yourself Most Drawn to Your Partner?

Reconciling the domestic and the erotic is a delicate balancing act in long-term relationships. It requires knowing your partner while recognizing their persistent mystery. Read more on the one simple question that reminds us to appreciate our partner’s otherness and what the four most common responses tell us.

Sexless Relationship? Take the First Step Toward Reconnection.

From physical challenges to breaches of trust to parenting exhaustion and beyond, there are so many reasons couples fall into a sexless relationship. Read more on how to shift your focus and take the first step toward intimate reconnection. A hint: it has nothing to do with frequency.

Sex? After Kids? - A Podcast with Dr. Becky

What happens when two become three, or four, or five? Who is responsible for the needs and wants of a couple when days are filled with playdates, pick-ups, and meal preps? Nights lack the erotic energy that couples need not only to survive but to thrive. Dr. Becky and Esther Perel come together to talk about what parents can do to rekindle their desires.

The Power of Apologizing: Relearn How to Say “I’m Sorry”

A strong, meaningful apology goes a long way in repairing major and minor rifts in any relationship. Intellectually, we know this. Apologizing is one of the first relationship skills we learn as young children. But it’s a skill that needs to grow with us. Read more on the power of apologizing and relearn how to say "I'm Sorry."

The 3 Types of Relationship Fights You Keep Having—And What To Do About Them

Your relationship arguments aren't always about what you think they are. Read more to learn about the three hidden dimensions under most relationship fights and how to break the loop.

Owning Your Part: Self-Accountability in Relationships

Relationship dynamics go beyond the binary of perpetrator and victim, powerful and powerless, betrayed and betrayer—the accountant and the accountable. Recognizing that all parties are a piece of the pie does not mean that everyone’s slice is the same size and made up of the same ingredients. But owning your part is essential to breaking through impasses. Read more about the practice of self-accountability in relationships.

The Myth of Unconditional Love in Romantic Relationships

“Relational Ambivalence” is the experience of contradictory thoughts and feelings—of love and hate, attraction and disgust, excitement and fear, contempt and envy—toward someone with whom we are in a relationship. It exists in every relational configuration, but we put a lot of pressure on romantic love, in particular, to rise above it. Read more on how ambivalence shows up in your romantic relationships and the common responses to it.

Articles

Letters from Esther #61: The Art of Erotic Communication